Decisions

I, along with my partner of fourteen years, recently made one of the biggest decisions of our lives. We are moving to Bloomington/Normal, Illinois.

Making decisions is something I do many times everyday. For example, this morning I decided to take in a yoga class before sitting down to write. On the grand continuum of decision difficulty, this was a relatively easy decision. Yoga would relax my body and focus my mind, which seemed like a reasonable preparation for writing. In addition, the yoga class was early, so I wouldn't be sacrificing my writing time to go. The decision of whether or not to move was different. It was so far down at the other end of the decision difficulty continuum, that at times, I felt as though I didn't have the capacity, or stamina, to complete the process. It was two-and-a-half weeks filled with research into every aspect of life in Bloomington/Normal, Illinois, pro and con lists (I was in charge of the pros, while my partner took on the cons), and many tension-filled conversations.

We agreed, some time ago, that we would like to move away from South Carolina. For many reasons, we decided that now was the right time. We felt ready. I began lurking on websites for academic job postings. I was advised to "apply widely", so each time I saw an interesting job posting, I would text my partner, "Do you want to move to New Hampshire?", "How about Virginia?", "Illinois?", "Ohio?", "Utah?", "Maryland?". The first response to every text was, "Too cold!". But then, she would come home, do a little research, and in most cases say, "Go ahead and apply."

I should interrupt the story here to share our vision of how this adventure would go. We thought we would "apply widely", I would interview in a few places, and we would choose where we wanted to go.

So I did! I frantically put together application packets, requested letters of recommendation, and informed my Dean that I was beginning a job search. Over a span of two months, I submitted six application packets and I was still checking job postings everyday. Oh yeah, and I was waiting.

I've learned two very important things about job searches in higher education:

1.  They can take an enormous amount of time. First, there's the review of applications, then there's a phone interview (awkward). If you make it through the phone interview, there's a campus visit. Finally, if all goes well...the offer! Of course, there's lots of waiting between each step in this process, so patience really is a virtue.

2.  Timing is everything.

Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately (this remains to be seen), in our search, timing was not working in our favor. Our vision of how this adventure would play out was crumbling before our eyes.

Illinois called first, and they were moving fast (rumor has it, in this field, moving fast can be an advantage)! Less than twenty-four hours after the phone interview, a campus visit was being scheduled. I visited the campus during the last week of the Fall semester. The visit was exciting! I met many potential colleagues and felt confident about a possible offer going into winter break. With winter break fast approaching, the chances of hearing from other universities before Spring semester were dwindling, as was our vision of having choices.

Illinois was not our first choice in terms of location, but with positive attitudes, my partner and I drove there to check things out during winter break. The ground was snow-covered, the sky was cloudy, the terrain was flat. While it didn't actually snow while we were there, at times, we felt like we were driving in white-out conditions. It looked very different from what we are used to, and it was cold! With less positive attitudes, we drove home silently. We had pretty much decided that we didn't want to live there until....

THE OFFER! It was good. It was better than we expected. Thus began the two-and-a-half weeks of deliberations, considerations, and conversations.

In the end, we decided to go. There are still many things up in the air. It's a little like taking a leap of faith (and those of you who know me well, know that faith is not my strong suit), but I'm sure we've made the right decision.

I've learned a lot about myself, and about my partner, through this process. We are stronger because of it. And, while our vision has had to shift along the way, there is no one I'd rather be on this adventure with - here's to difficult decisions.

Write My Way to Being a Writer

Am I a writer? My honest response to this question is "No, I'm a fraud, a hypocrite!" I talk about writing. I think about writing. I even write for my work. But do I live the life of a writer? No. I write when I have time, which in the scheme of things, turns out to be seldom, if ever. Certainly not enough to identify as a writer. This is a constant struggle for me.

You see, I am a professor of literacy education. I taught first and second grade writers for 8 years. I currently teach early childhood and elementary teacher candidates how to teach young writers. And I facilitate graduate students in their Language and Literacy program.

I know all the right things to say about writing and teaching writers...

"Writers write everyday!"
"Writers observe the world around them."
"Writers are always collecting ideas for their writing."
"We all have stories to tell."
"To teach writers well, you must be a writer yourself."

I would even say that I believe these things, but do I practice them wholeheartedly? No, haphazardly at best, until now.

Writing is hard work. It takes time. Time that I have not yet been willing to protect. This semester I have committed two half-days each week for writing (Tuesday afternoons and Friday mornings). My colleagues and friends have suggested that this commitment is a necessary first step, and that without such a commitment, writing will always be the thing that fades from a way too hectic schedule. I have lived this reality for far too long. I want to create a new reality, a new identity for myself.

I am, quite certainly, one of the most reflective people I know. Recently, I have been talking with my undergraduates about learning as an active process. I've asked them to notice, in their practicum classes, where students are actively engaged in learning. I believe they need to be able to distinguish between active learning and passive participation. In reflecting on my own teaching, the fact that I am a passive writer, has become abundantly clear to me. 

So, for me, this blog is an active way to "Write My Way to Being a Writer", to shift my identity, and to live my beliefs.

Why a blog?

I have been inspired by friends and colleagues who creatively and courageously share their experiences, thoughts and ideas each week on their own blogs. I love reading those blogs! Thank you.